Anyone who’s been in a relationship for any extended period of time knows how handy it can be to have a good list of conversation starters for couples in your back pocket.
Whether you’ve been with your partner for a long time or you’re still in the early stages of getting to know each other, coming up with appropriate and engaging conversation topics can be surprisingly tough.
For new couples, it’s tricky because you don’t yet know which subjects will open doors, and which ones are out of bounds.
For established couples, it’s all too easy to find yourself discussing the same mundane topics day in and day out, and fall into a conversational rut.
Fortunately, the solution to both problems is to arm yourself with a few intriguing questions and topics that can serve as a go-to conversation starter whenever you find yourself hitting a communicative wall.
In this post we’ve rounded more than 200 fun, funny, interesting and intimate conversation starters for couples that will open new conversational pathways and help you get to know your partner on an even deeper level.
The Best Conversation Starters for Couples
Breaking Down the Most Interesting Conversation Topics for Couples to Discuss
Intimate Conversation Starters for Couples
Whether you’ve been together for a long time or you’re still in the early stages of getting to know each other, having intimate conversations with your partner is a great way to bring you two closer together.
When it comes to intimate topics, one of the most important things to keep in mind is your partner’s comfort level; don’t assume that just because you’re comfortable talking about certain subjects, they will be too.
Obviously this is especially important with new relationships, where you’re still feeling each other out and learning about each other’s comfort levels.
But even people in a long-term relationship should tread lightly when bringing up intimate details about their partners and their relationships.
Often the best way to broach intimate conversation topics for couples is to keep your tone light and fun.
Create an environment that makes it clear your partner can feel comfortable talking you with openly, and keep an eye out for any hesitation or discomfort on their part. If it’s clear that they’re not comfortable discussing a specific topic, don’t force it.
There are lots of other things you can talk about, and sticking with topics that you both feel comfortable with will help you build the trust necessary to move on to deeper and more intimate topics later on.
What do you find most attractive about me?
How much of your attraction to me was motivated by my physical appearance, as opposed to other traits?
What’s your favorite part of my body?
Are there any scents that turn you on or attract you to a person?
Do you have a “type”? (And if so, how would you describe it?)
How much do you think I fit into your “type,” and how much do I differ from it?
What words did you use to describe me to your friends when we first got together?
What’s one sexy thing you’d like to try that we haven’t done yet?
What are the qualities that make you love me?
Are they different from the ones that make you attracted to me?
In your previous relationships, have you ever cheated on a partner?
Have you ever been with someone who was cheating?
How many times have you been in love?
What would you do if you found out I only had a year to live?
What can I do to be a better lover?
What part of your body do you like to have touched the most?
What’s the dirtiest fantasy you’ve ever had?
How do you feel about using sex toys?
In a perfect world, in your opinion, how often would we have sex?
What are some things that turn you on outside of the bedroom? (A
certain haircut, or style of clothes, or particular behavior, etc.)
If you could only use one word to describe our relationship, what would it be?
What if you could only use one word to describe how you WANT our relationship to be. Would it be different?
What does being a good partner mean to you?
Do you believe in the five love languages?
What part of my body are you most attracted to?
What do you think is our sexiest memory or moment together?
Do you prefer to make love in the morning, or at night?
What’s your favorite sex position?
If we were going to have sex somewhere other than the bedroom,
where would you choose?
Have you ever had sex in the same room as other people?
Have you ever been in a room when others were having sex?
Do you watch pornography?
What kind of porn turns you on the most?
What’s the sexiest thing I could wear in the bedroom for you?
What’s the sexiest thing I could wear outside the house?
What’s your absolute favorite thing to do in the bedroom?
Conversation Starters for Married Couples
Married couples are often very familiar with the problem I alluded to above, in which long-established couples feel like they’ve run out of new or interesting things to talk about.
This was already an issue before COVID, but was only made worse when the pandemic forced us into our homes and eliminated so much of our social lives, along with the seemingly endless well of gossip that used to accompany it.
Fortunately, regaining your relationship’s conversational spark isn’t difficult; often it just requires you to look at common subjects through a new lens.
For instance, instead of debating what to do with the limited time and money you have for a vacation, try reframing the question to make it more fun, and ask your spouse what their absolute dream vacation would look if they had enough money and time to do anything they wanted.
A hypothetical question like that can be a great conversation starter for married couples because it allows you to set aside the mundane things like chores, budgets and schedules, and dig into fantasies that you might not have otherwise shared with each other, or even been aware of yourselves.
If you had an unlimited budget to plan a perfect day for us, what would you plan?
If you could travel back in time and live in any other era or time period, which one would you choose, and why?
What’s one thing that we never got to do before we got married, that you wish we had?
What memory from before we got married stands out the most to you?
When you think about our wedding, what’s the first moment or memory that comes to mind?
When it comes to me or things that I do, what’s your biggest pet peeve?
Which family member do you think is the most similar to you?
Was there a particular moment or occurence that made you realize you’re in love with me?
What was the last thing that made you laugh hysterically?
What are some goals that you had before we were married, that you’ve set aside for me or our family? (And, how can I help you work to achieve them?)
What’s one thing that you think would help our relationship grow, which we’re not currently doing or haven’t yet done?
How do you think you’ve changed since we got married?
What do you think is the most positive impact I’ve had on you?
What’s one thing I do to make you feel good about yourself? (And how can I do it more often?)
What’s one thing I do to make you feel bad, and what can I change to make sure it doesn’t happen anymore?
What’s one thing about the future that scares you?
What do you think is the biggest challenge we face as a couple/family?
When you picture our lives five years from now, what do you see?
What about 10 years? 20?
What do you think are the most important traits for a parent to have?
What’s one thing about your childhood that you want to ensure our kids have to?
Is there anything about your childhood that you want to ensure our kids avoid?
Where do you think we should go for our next vacation?
What’s one thing you remember seeing your parents do, that you never want our kids to see us do?
What activities do you think we could do to bring us closer together as a couple/family?
Conversation Starters for Couples Texting
While texting is a quick, easy and convenient way to stay in touch, it doesn’t necessarily lend itself to the kinds of prolonged, deep and interesting conversations many couples want to have.
Typing out long, in-depth answers can be awkward and uncomfortable for some people, which can limit both the breadth and depth of texting conversations.
But texting does offer one potential advantage that in-person or even phone conversations lack: the ability to use more than words to communicate.
After all, not everyone is a wordsmith, and a lot of people have trouble expressing themselves with words in real time.
Texting not only offers you the ability to consider and edit your words carefully, it also lets you go beyond the limits of your vocabulary by using other forms of media like emojis, gifs, links and pretty much any other piece of content on the internet.
That’s why many of the below conversation topics for couples texting focus on forms of media and entertainment, which opens the door to forms of communication that go beyond the written word.
What’s the funniest video or GIF you’ve seen recently?
What’s your favorite restaurant or place to order food from?
What songs are in your most played on Spotify?
What’s your absolute favorite movie?
What’s the best joke you’ve ever heard?
What’s your favorite TV theme song?
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever snuck onto a plane?
What’s your favorite emoji?
What’s the funniest object within your line of sight right now? (Send me a pic!)
What’s the one app you have on your phone that you think I should download?
What’s your favorite photo that you have on your phone?
What’s the most embarrassing text you’ve ever sent?
What’s your all time favorite website?
If Christmas were today, what would be the number one thing on your list?
What are the funniest pick up lines you’ve ever heard?
What’s one rule that you wish society would adopt?
What’s the best article you’ve read online recently?
What’s one thing you look at on your phone all the time, that no one else knows about?
How much screen time do you log each week?
What’s your all time favorite meme?
What’s the hardest you’ve ever laughed at a viral video?
Would you rather meet an alien or a ghost?
Would you rather live a long and boring life, or live fast and die young?
Would you rather live in a really nice but really tiny apartment, or a huge but really rundown mansion?
Would you rather have lots of money but no time to enjoy it, or lots of free time but not much material wealth?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you miss me right now?
On the same scale, how much do you think I miss you?
What’s one thing you wouldn’t feel comfortable saying to my face, but are more comfortable texting to me?
What would you like me to do, physically, the next time we’re in bed together?
If we were in the same room right now, where would you touch me first?
Fun Conversation Starters for Couples
Couples in a long-term, committed relationship often fall into a repetitive conversational routine that often involves asking each other endless variations of the same question:
“How was your day?”
By contrast, a really new couple can sometimes be so focused on small talk and “getting to know you questions” that they forget about or forego the lighter conversation topics that make getting to know each other so damn fun.
Below is a list of flirty and fun conversation topics for couples at either end of the spectrum, which will help you keep your conversations (and maybe even your relationship) light, easy, breezy and enjoyable.
Which reality show do you think you’d have the best chance of winning?
What’s your funniest dating story?
What’s your weirdest or funniest sex story?
Who would be on your list of celebrities you’re allowed to sleep with if you ever meet them?
What actor should play you in a movie?
What actor shoudl play me in a movie?
What would be the title of your sex tape?
Do you ever feel like you were born in the wrong era?
What period of history would you like to explore if you could?
Do you remember the first email address you ever registered?
Do you have any secret hobbies or interests that no one knows about?
What would be your strategy for surviving a zombie apocalypse?
What invention that exists in movies or tv do you most wish existed in real life?
What’s the most embarrassing story you’re willing to share with me?
If you could have any super power, but only one, what would you choose?
Have you ever walked in on someone using the bathroom?
What would a perfect date night be like for you?
What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?
If you had a free round-the-world ticket but had to be back in just two days, where would you go and what would you do?
If you had to eat the same meal everyday for the rest of our life, what would you eat?
What’s one piece of trivia you’re embarrassed that you know?
What’s your biggest pet peeve?
What words do you hate to hear people say?
What words do you think are the most fun to say?
If you were a stripper and had to choose a stage name, what would it be?
If you won the lottery and could quit your job tomorrow, how would you do it?
What’s worse: a guy who owns a boat, or a guy who doesn’t own a boat but talks about boats constantly?
If you were going to write a book about me, what would it be called?
If you could invite five people from history to a dinner party, who would you invite?
If you had to be one animal for the rest of your life, which would you choose?
What’s one animal you’re not supposed to keep as a pet, but you want anyway?
Dinner Conversation Starters for Couples
Never does a conversational rut become more awkward – or feel more urgent – than while you’re at dinner.
If you and your partner have been struggling to come up with new, fun or interesting conversation topics lately, your struggles will come into stark relief when you’re seated face to face for a few hours with nothing to do but talk to each other, and no screens or devices to bail you out.
Dinner can be a great time to touch on some more sensitive, intimate or even sexy subjects (especially if you’re washing down your meal with a few drinks, which will help loosen your lips), but it’s best to wade into those topics slowly.
The list of questions below is designed to help you get the conversational ball rolling early in the meal.
Once you and your partner (and your bottle of wine) have built some momentum, you can begin working in some of the Intimate or Deep questions on this list to start peeling back the surface and getting to the good stuff.
What would you do if you had a day to spend alone and could do anything you wanted – no budget, no limits?
What would you say was the most defining moment of your life?
If a genie granted you one skill, talent or new ability, what would like it to be?
If you could go back in time 10 years and give yourself one piece of advice, what would you say?
What’s the number one thing you want people to remember about you after you die?
Which person has been the biggest inspiration in your life?
What do you picture your life being like when you’re 60? 70? 80?
Would you want to be famous?
How would you describe your relationship to food?
What’s the single best meal you’ve ever had?
If you were on death row and had to choose a final meal, what would you choose?
What do you like most about your job?
What do you like least about your job?
How long do you expect to be in your current role?
What is the dream job you would do if money were no object?
Who’s your best friend in the world?
Did you have a pet growing up?
Do you think people who grow up without pets ever get them as adults?
Are you a cat person or a dog person?
Other than a cat or dog, what’s the best pet a person can have?
Deep Conversation Topics for Couples
Getting past the surface-level stuff and moving into deeper and more meaningful conversation topics can be a challenge for many couples, both for those in new relationships and even for people who have been together so long they can’t remember who was president when they exchanged marriage vows.
The trouble with delving into deep conversation topics for couples in new relationships is similar to the challenge of discussing intimate topics:
It’s not always clear where the line is, or what your partner is going to be comfortable discussing.
For couples in long term relationships, who have fallen into a pattern of “catch up” conversations (i.e. “How was your day, honey?”), it can be hard to switch out of small talk mode and into something more substantive.
Below is a list of deep conversation starters for couples in either situation, which will help you broach topics that you might not talk about too often, but which will allow you to open yourselves up to each other and bring you closer together.
How do you feel about charity and giving to others?
How would you spend your money (and your life) if you won the lottery?
What role does family play in your life?
What traits do you look for/admire in a friend?
Do you have a role model? Who do you look up to most?
How much do you care about what your partner does for a living?
If you could only use three words to describe yousrelf what would they be?
What’s your fondest memory from when you were young?
Tell me about your first crush. What do you remember about them?
What do you think attracted you to them?
What do you think is your very best quality?
What do you think is my best quality?
What do you think it is that makes us compatible?
What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do?
What’s one thing you think I need to work on or improve about myself?
What can we do to maintain our “spark” as our relationship matures?
What’s one secret you’ve nevrer told anyone else?
How open do you think couples should be with each other?
How do you define success?
What’s the single thing you’re most afraid of?
What are you most grateful for?
Who is your closest friend/confidante in the world?
What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?
What’s your happiest or most favorite memory?
What do you think is your single greatest strength?
What one trait or habit do you most want to change?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your level of self-confidence?
Do you consider yourself physically attractive?
If you were stranded on a deserted island, what would you miss the most?
If The Purge was real and there were no rules for one night, what would you do?
If you could go back in time and redo any part of your entire life, what age would you go to and what would you do differently?
What is your single biggest regret?
When you’re really sad, how do you like to be comforted?
What hobby do you spend the most time on? How did you take it up?
What stresses you out or causes you anxiety?
What does sharing mean to you?
What’s one bad habit that you’ve kicked or overcome?
Who are the top five people who you love the most in the world?
What motivates you?
What do you regard as the biggest mistake you’ve ever made?
What do you consider your biggest failure? (And how did you bounce back from it?)
What’s one lesson you learned the hard way?
What do you consider to be your life’s work?
In your opinion, what are the keys to happiness? (Money? Friends and family? Professional achievement?)
What do you consider to be the most important aspect of a long term relationship?
If you could bestow any one characteristic or trait upon your kids, what would it be?
Who has provided the most emotional support to you throughout your life?
What do you think is the most effective way to solve problems in a relationship?
If a doctor told you that you only had one week left to live, what would you do?
How do you think you’ve changed since we started our relationship?
What things do I do that make you feel most respected?
Is there anything I do that makes you feel disrespected?
What traits did I display early on that made you interested, or think I might be “the one”?
What’s your fondest memory from all the time we’ve spent together (so far)?
How do you think your colleagues would describe you?
What about your friends – how would they describe you?
And your family? Would they describe you differently?
Who are the couples that inspire you or set an example for what a great couple looks like?
How have your goals changed over time?
Do you consider yourself ambitious?
What’s the number one thing you want to accomplish in life?
What do you want people to say about you at your funeral?
Conversation Topics for Couples on the Phone
One thing that distinguishes couples of this generation from that of our parents and grandparents is the very different role that phones play in our daily lives.
On the one hand, phones are much more prominent and important to us than ever before. Most of us log an embarrassing number of hours staring into handheld screens each day.
But on the other hand lies a strange irony: while we’re way more obsessed with our phones than any previous generation, many of us are also less comfortable talking on them.
Thanks to the rise of video chat, texting, social media and instant messaging, actually having an audio conversation where we can hear a person’s voice but not see their face has become a somewhat foreign experience for a lot of us.
This lack of familiarity with the format can make it difficult to come up with good conversation topics for couples on the phone, and has the potential to introduce a lot of awkwardness.
But the good news is that our new relationship with our phones also offers up a lot of conversational opportunities.
Whenever you’re on the verge of an awkward pause or not sure what to say next on the phone, you can ask your partner about one of their favorite topics: the phone itself.
Everything from the phone’s make and model to the apps, content and way the way they use it can be mined to make conversation, and can often lead into other more interesting and intimate conversation topics for couples that you might not have otherwise stumbled into.
Are you an iPhone person or a Galaxy person?
How many photos do you have on your phone?
Do you plug in your phone frequently, or is your battery always on the verge of dying?
Do you have any funny or embarrassing autocorrect fails?
Which app do you use the most often?
Which app do you use the least often?
Do you ever go back to the app store and leave ratings or reviews or apps?
What about other products – do you ever leave reviews on Amazon or other sites?
What’s one thing your phone can’t do, but you wish it could?
What’s your screen time number – how much time do you spend on your phone each week?
Which screen do you think you look at more – your phone, or your tv?
What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done to your phone? (e.g. dropped it in the toilet, stepped on it with your boots, etc.)
How often do you receive phone calls?
How often do you make calls?
Do you usually use the actual phone, or use apps like FaceTime, Zoom, etc?
Which phone are you going to get next?
How often do you use emojis?
When was the last time you used a landline?
Do you know anyone who still uses a rotary phone?
How many phone numbers do you actually remember?
Do you think you could go a week without your phone? A month? A
year??
Where are you right now?
What devices do you use to talk on the phone? (e.g. ear buds, headphones, speaker phone, etc.)
Do you prefer talking on the phone or talking over text?
How often do you have long phone conversations?
Who do you talk to the most often on the phone?
In general, who do you talk to the most? Is it the same person who you talk to on the phone most often?
Are there things you’re more comfortable talking about on the phone than in person?
What’s something wouldn’t say to me in person but don’t mind saying on the phone?
Do you prefer using a phone or a tablet?
In general, are you into tech? Do you have a hard time with phones, computers, etc?
If not tech, what are some of your other interests or hobbies?
Did your parents enroll you in a lot of sports, classes or extracurriculars as a kid?
What role does music play in your life?
Do you play any instruments?
Conversation Starters for New Couples
It probably goes without saying that no type of couple struggles more with conversation than new couples.
In the early days of a relationship you’re not only still getting to know each other, but still feeling each other out:
Learning each other’s likes and dislikes, understanding each other’s personalities, getting to know your respective senses of humor, and generally just soaking up everything there is to know about this person who you’ve just recently entered into a relationship with.
The below list of conversation topics for new couples will help you slowly but surely start peeling back the layers—and slowly is the operative word.
While you may be anxious to learn everything you can about your new partner, you don’t want to bombard them with questions or make them feel like they’re being interrogated.
Casually work in the questions below over the course of a few conversations in order to keep things light and let your convos flow naturally.
What are some of your wildest dreams or ambitions?
What are some more realistic goals you have?
What’s your take on having kids?
What kinds of lessons do you think are most important for kids to learn?
What’s one place you’ve never been to but woud love to see?
Why haven’t you gone there yet?
If you could live in one place anywhere in the world, where would you choose?
What’s one character trait or quality you don’t have to, but wish you did?
What, if any, role does religion play in your life?
What would you say are your most deeply held values?
What gets you out of bed in the morning? (i.e. What makes you motivated to tackle each day?)
What’s your favorite way to relax?
How do you feel about New Year’s resolutions?
Are there any goals that you don’t think you can accomplish alone, but could with a supportive partner?
What’s your favorite book?
What’s your favorite movie of all time?
Do you have a favorite genre of films or TV (i.e. action, comedy, drama, superhero, mystery, etc.)?
What kind of media do you consume the most – movies, TV, books, magazines, something else?
What movie have you seen more times than any other?
When did you lose your virginity?
Have you ever been in love before?
What was the first thing you noticed about me?
When do you think we crossed the line from dating/hanging out to being “in a relationship”?
What about our relationship makes you feel most safe and secure?
What about our relationship scares you or gives you cause for concern?
What do you think is the key to making a relationship last?
What are some traits or characteristics about yourself that you would change if you could?
What were you like in high school?
How often do you cry?
Are you happy with where you are in your life?
What does a person need to do in order to gain your trust?
Which of your family members are you closest to?
How would you define a healthy relationship?
What’s one thing you want to know about me but have been afraid or hesitant to ask?
More Resources ↓
More Relationship & Men’s Dating Advice From Irreverent Gent:
- The Best Dating Books for Guys
- How to Talk to Attractive Women
- 5 Proven Ways to Take Awesome Profile Pics
- The 94 Most Effective Questions to Ask a Girl
- 9 Insightful First Date Tips for Guys
Banner image Katerina Holmes via Pexels
