How to Grow From a Shy, Quiet, Self-Doubting Guy into a Strong, Charming, Self-Confident Man

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Have you ever wondered why some guys have so much confidence and optimism, while you’re mired in self-doubt and paralysis by analysis?

Have you ever wished you could replace the anxiety you feel when meeting new people with excitement, and feel like you can confidently converse with anyone?

Have you ever seen a guy who was fit, well dressed, charming and handsome, and wondered how you can possibly compete with him?

Stop Doubting, Start Doing

Yeah, me too. I spent a lot of my 20s in a near-constant state of self-doubt, insecurity and jealousy.

I watched as my peers charmed girls, joined teams and clubs, made new friends, and got cool jobs—while I was at home, too afraid to take action, making excuses for why I was squandering my potential and missing out on life.

It was a lonely, depressing and – at the risk of getting too personal – pretty crippling feeling.

It wasn’t until I finally reached bottom that I realized I couldn’t blame my insecurity on anyone else — and I couldn’t expect anyone else to make me more confident, either.

If I was ever going to escape my self-doubt and bolster my self-esteem, I’d have to do it myself.

I was ready to stop blaming and start building. To stop doubting and start doing. To take control of my confidence and make myself esteemed.

In short, I was ready to take command of my confidence.

Submersed in Self-Improvement

That’s when I got serious about self-improvement.

I spent more than a decade reading, watching and listening to every piece of personal development advice I could get my hands on, learning as much as I could about my mind.

I spent days, weeks and months in the gym building a bigger, stronger body, and finally started taking pride in my physical presence.

I became a student of social interactions and tried every conversation hack, pick up trick and social tactic I could find until I finally learned how to get over my nerves and confidently converse with anyone.

And I read fashion magazines, poured over menswear blogs and spent hours consulting with store clerks to develop a dapper, strong and sharp sense of style.

It took many (many!) years and a few thousand dollars, but I finally became a strong, charming self-confident man.

And I realized that, since I’d already done the legwork, other guys could benefit from what I learned.

By investing so much time and money into my own personal development, I created a template that any guy can follow to improve his body, mind, social skills, style and, inevitably, his self-confidence.

So I decided to distill the most important lessons I’ve learned about building self-confidence into my book Man in Command: How to Grow From a Shy, Quiet, Self-Doubting Guy into a Strong, Charming, Self-Confident Man.

Take Command of Your Confidence

Are you ready to take command of your confidence and unleash your best self?

Want to (finally) learn how to live up to your full potential?

Check out Man in Command to find out how to think, look, act and feel like a more formidable man.

Research-Backed Recommendations

I have to admit, I was reluctant to write any of this down, or share my process with anyone.

Even after using personal development to make some pretty dramatic changes in my life, and a few more years spent writing about it on this blog, part of me still thought of “self-help” as the domain of nonsensical feel-goodery and bullshit quackery, and I had no desire to join the fray.

But the truth is that as a skeptic by nature and a journalist by trade, I couldn’t and wouldn’t recommend any activity that wasn’t well founded and evidence-backed; I may have tried everything under the sun, but I would never suggest it to someone else unless it worked.

Eventually I realized that, while I may have to put up with some good-natured teasing from my friends about becoming a “self-help” author (that still sounds weird to me), I felt obliged to share the results of my research with guys who could benefit from it.

That’s why I’m proud that every step, tip and trick I recommend in Man in Command is backed either by research, personal experience, or both.

So is it “self-help”? I guess so – though I prefer the term “self-improvement.”

But is it bullshit quackery? Hell no. (Well, maybe a few of the jokes…)

Stop Selling Yourself Short

Imagine how good it would feel to replace your self-doubt with authentic and well-earned self-confidence.

Think about how much you could do and achieve if you were less afraid to take risks and more resilient in the face of adversity.

Picture yourself as the sort of fit, well dressed, poised and confident man who today you can only envy—then think about that room full of strangers again and imagine how fulfilling it would be if you had all the tools you need to totally charm them.

Becoming that guy isn’t just a matter of wishful thinking. It’s not a pipe dream or some distant fantasy.

It’s the natural outcome of following a process proven to make guys think, look and feel more confident.

But don’t take my word for it.

The Reviews Are In

I decided to share some advanced copies of Man in Command with a select group of readers and subscribers who I thought might benefit from the book, and a few of them were even nice enough to leave me reviews on Amazon. Here’s what they had to say:

“This book was extremely helpful in a multitude of ways. As a young(ish) male it is extremely difficult to find books that focus specifically on the issues faced by my generation. I have read a number of books that fall under the ‘self-help’ category but none of them have been nearly as insightful or approachable.

In my experience I have found that many books in this category have a tendency to be broad and, often times, overly presumptuous; so, it was nice to finally read something that breaks things down to a relatable (and manageable) level.Man in Command doesn’t just lay out lofty ideals relating to confidence. Instead, the book describes each aspect (perceived or otherwise) that contributes to a healthy, confident male then sets out concise, manageable and, most importantly, RELEVANT steps one can take to achieve them.

My absolute favorite thing about this book, however, is that the author comes off as more of a ‘relatable friend’ as oppose to an ‘overly-positive coach’ or ‘benevolent mentor that has graced you with their time and wisdom’ (one of the more frustrating attributes of many other books in this category). It’s easy to tell that Dave has first-hand experience dealing with the issues commonly faced by this generation and, as such, the anecdotes are more relatable and he proves that the advice is practical and achievable.

Nothing but the best to say about this book!”

“Great read!

I’ve always had trouble trying to own my lack of self confidence and insecurity at times, but never thought a book would be able to help solve any of my issues. A bargain at the price I gave this book a shot, and now I’d say go for it if I was in your shoes.

The practical nature of Dave Bowden’s book, and it’s context of self improvement inspired me to try to live my best life as a confident man. It reminded me of a lot of the shared values I was reading about, and grounded my focus.

Thanks David Bowden, and easily recommended!”

“It’s not a book filled with fluff (as most books on the self-improvement industry are) and it provides solid advice for people who struggle with a lack of confidence.

The short divisions on each chapter make it easy to follow, the advice is practical and can be used almost instantly and Dave’s jokes aren’t half-bad —despite what he might lead you to believe.

Overall, a very decent read and a marvelous way for people to begin a journey of self-development.”

A Blueprint for Building a Better You

In Man in Command I’ve laid out the road map I used to go from insecure self-doubter to self-assured achiever.

First I explain how psychologists define self-confidence, explore its many benefits, and look at how lacking confidence can be catastrophic to everything from your health to your income.

With those definitions established, we move right into mastering your Mindset, where you’ll learn how to:

  • Better understand the way your mind works
  • Improve your self-perception and take pride in your potential
  • Train your brain to learn and grow—every damn day

Part three focuses on your Body and shows you how to lay a foundation for self-confidence. In this section you’ll discover:

  • A step-by-step method for starting a workout plan and building a body you’re proud of
  • How to eat the right foods to fuel your success
  • The secret to transforming your body that 90% of people miss

Section four is all about shoring up your Social Skills:

  • Learn how to come out of your shell and ease yourself into socializing
  • Discover the most crucial lessons about interacting with other people
  • Pick up a quick trick you can use to make friends with anyone

Finally, section five will you show How to Strengthen Your Style,  and feel better in the process:

  • Discover how style strengthens your mental and emotional self-confidence
  • Find out how to develop a personal style tailored just for you
  • Learn exactly which tips, tricks and finishing touches – handsome hacks, if you will – can take your look to the next level

A Cup of Coffee, or a Lifetime of Confidence?

What sounds like the better way to spend a couple bucks?

I spent 10 years and thousands of dollars buying dozens of personal development books and programs, paying personal trainers, and spending way more money on clothes and fashion than I’d like to admit.

And if you’d like, you’re welcome to invest the same amount of time and money as I did; it may not be quick, and it’s definitely not cheap, but if you spend years trying everything under the sun, you’ll probably reach the results you’re looking for – eventually.

Or, you could spend less than you would for a latte at Starbucks, and reap the benefits of my decade of research, trial and error.

Man in Command is priced at just US$4.99, meaning you can get thoroughly researched, vetted and proven best practices for building self-confidence without having to spend years of your time trying everything under the sun.

Think about all the times you’ve bought a coffee or a snack you didn’t really need: what if you could put that money toward something that’s actually good for you instead?

Take Control of Your Confidence

(Or Get Your Money Back)

I invested a shit ton of time and money (to say nothing of blood, sweat and tears) into creating this book, and I’m confident that the advice it contains will help any guy who wants to transform his life the way I did.

Since the results of the book are potentially life-changing (they certainly were for me), at first I thought that $15 would be a more-than-fair price. That’s a lot less than most of the bloated hardcover books you’ll find on the shelves at your local bookstore, and you’re getting a lot of actionable information in return.

But the reason I wrote the book was to help as many guys as possible escape insecurity and overcome self-doubt, and the truth is that even at $15, not everyone can afford it. So I decided that I’ll sell the book for $3.99, which pretty much everyone can afford.

If you’ve ever felt like you don’t know how to dig yourself out of insecurity, I really think this book can help you, and I want you to have it at a price that makes it super easy for you to afford.

In fact, I’m so confident that this information can help you, that I’m willing to put my money where my mouth (or rather, where my word processor) is.

If you buy the book, put the advice I recommend into practice, and don’t feel like you’ve reaped any benefit after 90 days, email me at [email protected] and I’ll refund your money. Just show me a proof of purchase, and I’ll Paypal you the money.

I don’t want to hustle you or sell you a bill of goods. I just want you to reap the same empowering benefits of self-improvement that I did – in a lot less time.

So, if you want to take control of your confidence, unleash your best self and get ready to ([email protected]¢&ing!) roar, pick up Man in Command today.

I can’t wait for you to read it.

Take Action Now

Pick Up Man in Command  Today

I learned the hard way that no one is going to come around and magically make you more confident or self-assured.

You have to take responsibility for your own happiness and take control of your confidence.

So get started now—and take command of your confidence. Click here or use the button below to go to Amazon and purchase Man in Command.

About Dave Bowden

Dave Bowden

Irreverent Gent founder Dave Bowden is a style blogger whose advice on how to look good and live well has been featured in some of the world’s most trusted publications, including New York Magazine, The Wall Street Journal, Business Insider and more.

When not obsessing over style and self-improvement, he can usually be found spending time with his wonderful wife and son, indulging in a hoppy craft beer, or sobbing over the woeful state of Toronto's sports teams.

Check out Dave's Style Story to find out how a chance encounter with his friend's step-dad taught him the value of looking good and living well. (Don't worry—it's less creepy than it sounds!)

2 thoughts on “How to Grow From a Shy, Quiet, Self-Doubting Guy into a Strong, Charming, Self-Confident Man”

  1. Dave: picked up the book. Just wanted to say thank you. It was really inspiring, helpful and actionable. I feel like it’s one of the few books I’ve read that can actually help me. Thank you sir.

    • Damian, I feel like I’m the one who should be thanking you. I can’t tell you how rewarding it is to know that guys are enjoying the book, and it’s really helping them become more confident men. Thank you for the kind words – they’re deeply appreciated.

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